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Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Dog Jokes
How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining. The day is young. We've got our whole lives ahead of us. And you're inside worrying about a stupid, burned-out light bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. Not only that, but I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid lamp!
Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!
Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. What are servants for?
Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there...
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
That's One Mean Dog
One who had a very mean looking Doberman insisted that his was the meanest and that it could lick any other dog in the county. The second just looked at his mangy old yellow dog and said that he would wager his against any dog in the country. Well after some animated discussion they finally decided to let the dogs fight it out.
After a very short snarling match the old yellow dog leaps on the Doberman and kills it outright. The first farmer was aghast. His dog had been beating other dogs for years and had never had more than a small scratch or two. He turns to the other farmer and asks "What kind of dog did you say that was?"
The first farmer replies "Well before he lost his tail we called him a Mountain Lion!"
Ten Dog Rules
1. The dog is not allowed in the house.
2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
3. Ok, fine, the dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.
4. The dog can get on the old furniture only.
5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.
6. Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.
8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only!
9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night.
10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.
Your Dog is Welcome
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote:
I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too.
Walking Dogs
Two dogs were walking down the street. The one dog says to the other,
"Wait here a minute, Herb, I'll be right back."
He walks across the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for a a couple minutes, then walks back across the street.
The other dog, Herb, says, "So, what was all that about?"
The dog first dog says, "Oh, nothing much. I was just checking my messages."
Dogs Can't Speak?
Dogs can't speak, of course, but if you listen closely you might be able to tell where they are from.
Dogs from Poland and Wisconsin say "Woof-da"
Dogs from Canada say "Arf-eh"
Dogs from Scandinavia say "Voof"
Dogs from Germany say "Der-Grrrrr"
But the hardest accent is dogs from England that say "Wroughph" which to the untrained ear sounds like "Woof."
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining. The day is young. We've got our whole lives ahead of us. And you're inside worrying about a stupid, burned-out light bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. Not only that, but I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid lamp!
Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!
Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. What are servants for?
Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there...
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
That's One Mean Dog
One who had a very mean looking Doberman insisted that his was the meanest and that it could lick any other dog in the county. The second just looked at his mangy old yellow dog and said that he would wager his against any dog in the country. Well after some animated discussion they finally decided to let the dogs fight it out.
After a very short snarling match the old yellow dog leaps on the Doberman and kills it outright. The first farmer was aghast. His dog had been beating other dogs for years and had never had more than a small scratch or two. He turns to the other farmer and asks "What kind of dog did you say that was?"
The first farmer replies "Well before he lost his tail we called him a Mountain Lion!"
Ten Dog Rules
1. The dog is not allowed in the house.
2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
3. Ok, fine, the dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.
4. The dog can get on the old furniture only.
5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.
6. Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.
8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only!
9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night.
10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.
Your Dog is Welcome
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote:
I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too.
Walking Dogs
Two dogs were walking down the street. The one dog says to the other,
"Wait here a minute, Herb, I'll be right back."
He walks across the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for a a couple minutes, then walks back across the street.
The other dog, Herb, says, "So, what was all that about?"
The dog first dog says, "Oh, nothing much. I was just checking my messages."
Dogs Can't Speak?
Dogs can't speak, of course, but if you listen closely you might be able to tell where they are from.
Dogs from Poland and Wisconsin say "Woof-da"
Dogs from Canada say "Arf-eh"
Dogs from Scandinavia say "Voof"
Dogs from Germany say "Der-Grrrrr"
But the hardest accent is dogs from England that say "Wroughph" which to the untrained ear sounds like "Woof."
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Learning About God's Word Through Dogs
Exodus 11:7 NIV
But among the Israelites not a dog will bark at any man or animal.' Then you will know that the LORD makes a distinction between Egypt and Israel.
Job 18:11 NIV
Terrors startle him on every side and dog his every step.
Proverbs 26:11 NIV
As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.
Proverbs 26:17 NIV
Like one who seizes a dog by the ears is a passer-by who meddles in a quarrel not his own.
Ecclesiastes 9:4 NIV
Anyone who is among the living has hope--even a live dog is better off than a dead lion!
Isaiah 66:3 NIV
But whoever sacrifices a bull is like one who kills a man, and whoever offers a lamb, like one who breaks a dog's neck; whoever makes a grain offering is like one who presents pig's blood, and whoever burns memorial incense, like one who worships an idol. They have chosen their own ways, and their souls delight in their abominations;
2 Peter 2:22 NIV
Of them the proverbs are true: "A dog returns to its vomit," and, "A sow that is washed goes back to her wallowing in the mud."
But among the Israelites not a dog will bark at any man or animal.' Then you will know that the LORD makes a distinction between Egypt and Israel.
Job 18:11 NIV
Terrors startle him on every side and dog his every step.
Proverbs 26:11 NIV
As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.
Proverbs 26:17 NIV
Like one who seizes a dog by the ears is a passer-by who meddles in a quarrel not his own.
Ecclesiastes 9:4 NIV
Anyone who is among the living has hope--even a live dog is better off than a dead lion!
Isaiah 66:3 NIV
But whoever sacrifices a bull is like one who kills a man, and whoever offers a lamb, like one who breaks a dog's neck; whoever makes a grain offering is like one who presents pig's blood, and whoever burns memorial incense, like one who worships an idol. They have chosen their own ways, and their souls delight in their abominations;
2 Peter 2:22 NIV
Of them the proverbs are true: "A dog returns to its vomit," and, "A sow that is washed goes back to her wallowing in the mud."
Dog Joke
A man walked into a vet's office with his collie. The lady at the desk smiled and said,
"What a beautiful dog you have,"
"Thank you," he replied, patting the dog on the head. "But I bet you say that to every guy who comes in here."
"Not exactly," she replied. "Only if the dog is cute."
"Then what do you say, if the dog's ugly?" The man asked. Pausing, the woman replied,
"I give them a pamplet for a dog-owner look alike show."
"What a beautiful dog you have,"
"Thank you," he replied, patting the dog on the head. "But I bet you say that to every guy who comes in here."
"Not exactly," she replied. "Only if the dog is cute."
"Then what do you say, if the dog's ugly?" The man asked. Pausing, the woman replied,
"I give them a pamplet for a dog-owner look alike show."
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Duke is Renamed!
We got a call from Duke's owners and they renamed him Rocky. It was between that name and Boss and their grandkids decided. I think it's cute!
(It surprises me and Ali ;-)....)
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